The earliest evidence of a humanoid actually skiing is a creature known as the “Snow Magnon,” shown in the picture above on the far left.
This creature, although not upright, is credited with being the first to strap pieces of wood on his feet and fly straight down a mountain at terminal velocity. It has always been a mystery why the Snow Magnon never evolved to be capable of making turns.
The answer to this mystery was recently discovered by archeologists who located fossilized remains of the Snow Magnon in Northern Europe. Along with the fossils,
the archeologists found hieroglyphics that were recently translated to read:
“To turn is to admit defeat!”
This creature disappeared in the Emersonian Age.
The next step in the evolution of skiing is the Bumpus Maximus, shown above just to the right of the Snow Magnon.
This creature is a prime example of a more upright homo sapiens with the ability to ski fast, make turns, and smoothly navigate bumps.
Bumpus Maximus evolved in Australia, and it is believed that its more upright posture is the result of skiing upside down for years.
Bumpus Maximus has continued to evolve and currently serves as Brand Manager for the Prehistoric Skiers Association.
The evolution of skiing made a major step forward with the emergence of the Powder Houndus, just to the right of Bumpus Maximus in the photo.
Evolving in Canada, this almost fully upright creature has developed techniques for skiing all types of terrain and deep powder.
Powder Houndus can be found running with big dogs in wide ranging areas of Southern Canada and the Western United States.
Now in the latter stages of evolution, Powder Houndus has demonstrated a dislike for short radius turns and can be seen making wide, sweeping turns to minimize stress on his thighs.
And, finally, the ultimate skier evolved, known as Skier Perfectus, shown on the far right in the photo.
This fully upright skier can handle all mountain terrain and conditions and looks smooth while skiing or even just standing still.
Skier Perfectus has a different approach to skiing as compared to the throwback Powder Houndus. He believes it is all about the turns!
Skier Perfectus also continues to evolve as Bionics adds replacement parts to extend the useful life of this important species. Recent hip replacement surgery replaced worn parts without compromising the smooth skiing of Skier Perfectus.
And, there you have it….the Half Fast Evolution of Skiing.